Moving on

I spent most of yesterday in a van screaming at various people with varing degrees of vilness while trying to manuvour through the 'beautiful' streets of london! Oh yes I was moving houseyesterday!!!

I hated it... !

TM

Last weekend I peaked twice...

Ok so from the lewd subject title you may be wondering what on earth Monkey was up to over the last weekend. Those who have read my previous post would have noted that I have just completed the Three Peaks Challenge. The challenge consisted of walking up 3 of the largest peaks in the UK in just 36 hours...

Now this was a new experience for me...not mounting large erections (hey I thought I would carry on the innuendos...Cheap I know!), but doing something so physically challenging for charity. My team mates were very akin to doing this type of activity and to be very honest I loved it... but maybe not for the right reasons!

We started at Euston Station last Thursday and climbed aboard a 1st class train (this was my first surprise!). It was then it dawned on me that the other 50 teams on the challenge were mostly from Network Rail, the company who look after our UK rail systems...Now, I will be honest, and say that I did have a somewhat archetypal view of what a typical Network Rail employee was like (Male, mid 30's, still had a train set, never been with a women unless they have paid them, suppressed sexually and smelt of avocado’s (?) and I was pleasantly surprised that most of them lived up to my stereotype... They were hilarious... One whiff of estrogen (not from me mind you) and they were there trying to flirt as if performing open heart surgery with a sledge hammer...messy!

We arrived at Snowden at 11pm Thursday evening and due to the coaches nearly toppling over due to the gale force winds it was decided, thankfully, that it would not be safe to climb. A huge sense of disappointment enveloped the 200 Network rail staff and it was swiftly decided that we should do a 12 mile night hike instead. The conspiracy theorist among us felt that if we had all gone back to the train there probably would have been to small scale riot; bobble hats thrown with aggression, walking poles used as javelins and head torches set to stun. This walk was the most frustrating of the weekend as we did not know where we were going and to be honest we were walking past peoples back gardens not up a bloody big mountain; how we all didn't leave the town without ASBO's I am not sure!

5 hours on the train and we end up walking up our first mountain...well I say that but I mean that we had to walk 2 miles before we even reached the bottom of Skafel Pike... This mountain was great… it was bloody hard work though...the views across the lake district were breathtaking...either that or I was out of breath I still haven’t worked that one out! After 6 hours of walking and a swift pint at the station we were back on the train to the BIG one...Ben Nevis...

I couldn't sleep on the train, they didn't dim the lights and the 1st class seats were uncomfortable...This piece of information you didn't really need to know but I needed to winge about it!

Ben Nevis was a monster...It was psychologically challenging as it zig zagged up the side, so as you turned the corner you thought you were nearer the top than you thought, it was the last peak and I was tired...but I love walking it. The best bit for me was walking up through the clouds and seeing the complete change in weather...from glorious morning sunshine to sub zero conditions...

I am waffling now but I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed the challenge and I am sure I will be back for more...White Water Rafting is next on the agenda!

TM
(recovering)

BOOM..!

...BOOM...

Monkey has re-landed and is ready for action…

Oh yes the monkey has been away for a while but is back with vengeance…

Here are a few select cuts from the past month…

• It has dawned on me that I AM IN LOVE with a wonderful guy who makes monkey smile…I have been seeing him for a good while now but have kept is low key just in case he turned out to be a monkey eating monster type thing…with green eyes…hmm yes! But he isn’t and I LOVE HIM!!! So there…La La La
• I have ‘produced’ my first 2 full-scale productions this month…I am usually directing them but I decided that I would produce them this year… I was working with a very talented writer called Joel Horwood who received a Fringe First for his play Food on the Edinburgh Fringe Festival…look out for him his is very GOOD! – Also, he is quite cute!
• My Mum has flown off to Bolivia for 3 months to help a paediatric burns unit…GO Mum!
• My Brother has been in Canada for the past 8 months working to fund a trip round the US…He starts his road trip in 2 weeks…
• I have just completed the 3 peaks challenge – 3 peaks (Snowdon, Skefel Pike and Ben Nevis) in 36 hours…more on that later…
• I am just about to move to Stratford East London in a fabulous house sharing with 3 gay guys...ooo the fights over the bathroom in the mornings will be fun!

To inaugurate Monkey’s return here are a few Monkey Magic websites…Enjoy…

• http://www.monkeyheaven.com/
• http://www.himonkey.net/
• http://www.addictinggames.com/monkey.html

TM

:o)

Ring Ring! Ring Ring!

...This is the voice mail of the Monkey that Twinkles... He can't get the phone at the moment as he is slowly drowning in an ocean of paperwork... If you would like to leave him a message after the beep then he will get back to you as soon as he has been saved! Thank you ...

BEEEP!!!

Fruity Voyeurisms and Revelations...

I had a great weekend...ish...

So, I spent Saturday morning eating chocolate pastries, drinking coffee and reading the papers whilst watching folks walk by my house... This is my ideal weekend morning...

Once my caffeine jitters had calmed down I decided to get ready to go out and about... While I was preening myself in front the mirror (A Monkey has to Twinkle!), I glanced into the garden that is owned by the flat below mine... I was confronted by the cute guy who lives below me - in just his pants... and not just that... he obviously had just been, how do I say... pleasuring himself! His underwear was tenting itself towards north... oh yes erection city!

As mixture of surprise, intrigue and, to be honest, pure voyeuristic urges, surged through my body I found myself transfixed by this guys crotch... With my jaw slack and glare transfixed on cute guys Adonis body and tented pants, I became aware that he was also looking at someone...ME! Oh shit...! Oh shit...! As my face reddened and embarrassment rushed through my body I dived for cover and hid - for a good 5 minutes... I thought the cute guy downstairs was str8... either not or he likes to be watched.... either way I am keeping my curtains drawn from now on!

After my voyeuristic encounter, I ambled down to FruitStock with my housemate and was hugely disappointed by strange vibe; it felt that everyone was waiting for something better to happen...nothing did though!

Whilst I was lounging next to the champagne enclosure I met up with 2 of my cousins (once removed...or something like that) who I haven't seen for an age and a half... One was in a bad way as her long term boyfriend turn out to be a bastard; he had lied about his whole identify for the past year and left my cousin £4k in debt - RAHH... She was comforting herself with large goblets of strong bow (classy girl!)...

I also met up with one of my distant best friends who is doing very well as an actress... Whilst it was great seeing her, it was very apparent she was not in a good state. Revealing to me last month that she was a recovering anorexic did not prepare me to how apparent this was. While I tried to stay strong throughout the evening I really don't think that she knows how worried sick I am about her. The emotional barriers have gone up (hey I know about them) and she is not letting me in anymore... I feel SO helpless... I will talk about this some more later this week...

After going to a dodgy West End club, drinking too much tequila and having a dance off with a random stranger while the whole dance floor watched (with pity!) I ended up passing out in my bed at 4am...

Sunday saw me lounging on a long sofa watching the Motorcycle Diaries, Hero and some foreign film that made me go to sleep!!!

I had a great weekend... ish...

Monkey Twinkles...

CLICK HERE TO LAUGH YOUR INSIDES OUT....

TAG you!

Ziggy has twacked his tagging stick right in my face so, whilst bleeding profusely, I thought I should reply...

Rapper Name?
Mon Key Man (Crap I know!)

Alternative Rock Band Name?
The Monks (Even worse)

Name your pain?
My monkey arse

1 True Word That Symbolizes God?
Idolatrous

1 True Love or 1 Million Dollars?
Can I not fall in love with a million dollars?

Live Free or Die Stupid?
Live Free

Purist, happiest moment ever? (8 words or less)
Knowing I was loved for the first time

Most Influential Life Lesson?
Live for today

Most Successful Person You Least Admire?
David Hasselhoff

Where we go when we die? (1 word)
Doncaster

Worst TV Show of the Past Decade?
Love Island

Best TV Show of the Past Decade?
LOST

Still with me, yes or no?
YES and NO

Burning Building - baby or dog?
I would ride the dog and eat the baby... (Silly question)

Who runs the world? (2 words or less)
Lorraine Kelly (SHE DOES YOU KNOW!)

Worst Idea You Ever Had -
Moving in with a 'friend' just because I thought it was cheap rent....

Shittiest Job You Ever Had?
Washing Pots...

Best Job You've Ever Had?
(I am with Ziggy on this one) The one I will be getting next!


In the true spirit of tagging I thrust this virtual game into the hands of...
A Bloody Mess
The project76 blog
The Dangerous Man

Have Fun!

TM
(mopping his wounds)