What Makes Monkey Twinkle...?

Moving on

2006-10-07T09:59:00.000+01:00

I spent most of yesterday in a van screaming at various people with varing degrees of vilness while trying to manuvour through the 'beautiful' streets of london! Oh yes I was moving houseyesterday!!!

I hated it... !

TM

Last weekend I peaked twice...

2006-09-27T22:55:00.000+01:00

Ok so from the lewd subject title you may be wondering what on earth Monkey was up to over the last weekend. Those who have read my previous post would have noted that I have just completed the Three Peaks Challenge. The challenge consisted of walking up 3 of the largest peaks in the UK in just 36 hours...

Now this was a new experience for me...not mounting large erections (hey I thought I would carry on the innuendos...Cheap I know!), but doing something so physically challenging for charity. My team mates were very akin to doing this type of activity and to be very honest I loved it... but maybe not for the right reasons!

We started at Euston Station last Thursday and climbed aboard a 1st class train (this was my first surprise!). It was then it dawned on me that the other 50 teams on the challenge were mostly from Network Rail, the company who look after our UK rail systems...Now, I will be honest, and say that I did have a somewhat archetypal view of what a typical Network Rail employee was like (Male, mid 30's, still had a train set, never been with a women unless they have paid them, suppressed sexually and smelt of avocado’s (?) and I was pleasantly surprised that most of them lived up to my stereotype... They were hilarious... One whiff of estrogen (not from me mind you) and they were there trying to flirt as if performing open heart surgery with a sledge hammer...messy!

We arrived at Snowden at 11pm Thursday evening and due to the coaches nearly toppling over due to the gale force winds it was decided, thankfully, that it would not be safe to climb. A huge sense of disappointment enveloped the 200 Network rail staff and it was swiftly decided that we should do a 12 mile night hike instead. The conspiracy theorist among us felt that if we had all gone back to the train there probably would have been to small scale riot; bobble hats thrown with aggression, walking poles used as javelins and head torches set to stun. This walk was the most frustrating of the weekend as we did not know where we were going and to be honest we were walking past peoples back gardens not up a bloody big mountain; how we all didn't leave the town without ASBO's I am not sure!

5 hours on the train and we end up walking up our first mountain...well I say that but I mean that we had to walk 2 miles before we even reached the bottom of Skafel Pike... This mountain was great… it was bloody hard work though...the views across the lake district were breathtaking...either that or I was out of breath I still haven’t worked that one out! After 6 hours of walking and a swift pint at the station we were back on the train to the BIG one...Ben Nevis...

I couldn't sleep on the train, they didn't dim the lights and the 1st class seats were uncomfortable...This piece of information you didn't really need to know but I needed to winge about it!

Ben Nevis was a monster...It was psychologically challenging as it zig zagged up the side, so as you turned the corner you thought you were nearer the top than you thought, it was the last peak and I was tired...but I love walking it. The best bit for me was walking up through the clouds and seeing the complete change in weather...from glorious morning sunshine to sub zero conditions...

I am waffling now but I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed the challenge and I am sure I will be back for more...White Water Rafting is next on the agenda!

TM
(recovering)

BOOM..!

2006-09-26T17:48:00.000+01:00

...BOOM...

Monkey has re-landed and is ready for action…

Oh yes the monkey has been away for a while but is back with vengeance…

Here are a few select cuts from the past month…

It has dawned on me that I AM IN LOVE with a wonderful guy who makes monkey smile…I have been seeing him for a good while now but have kept is low key just in case he turned out to be a monkey eating monster type thing…with green eyes…hmm yes! But he isn’t and I LOVE HIM!!! So there…La La La
I have ‘produced’ my first 2 full-scale productions this month…I am usually directing them but I decided that I would produce them this year… I was working with a very talented writer called Joel Horwood who received a Fringe First for his play Food on the Edinburgh Fringe Festival…look out for him his is very GOOD! – Also, he is quite cute!
My Mum has flown off to Bolivia for 3 months to help a paediatric burns unit…GO Mum!
My Brother has been in Canada for the past 8 months working to fund a trip round the US…He starts his road trip in 2 weeks…
I have just completed the 3 peaks challenge – 3 peaks (Snowdon, Skefel Pike and Ben Nevis) in 36 hours…more on that later…
I am just about to move to Stratford East London in a fabulous house sharing with 3 gay guys...ooo the fights over the bathroom in the mornings will be fun!

To inaugurate Monkey’s return here are a few Monkey Magic websites…Enjoy…

:o)

Ring Ring! Ring Ring!

2006-08-30T17:53:00.000+01:00

...This is the voice mail of the Monkey that Twinkles... He can't get the phone at the moment as he is slowly drowning in an ocean of paperwork... If you would like to leave him a message after the beep then he will get back to you as soon as he has been saved! Thank you ...

BEEEP!!!

Fruity Voyeurisms and Revelations...

2006-08-07T18:27:00.000+01:00

I had a great weekend...ish...

So, I spent Saturday morning eating chocolate pastries, drinking coffee and reading the papers whilst watching folks walk by my house... This is my ideal weekend morning...

Once my caffeine jitters had calmed down I decided to get ready to go out and about... While I was preening myself in front the mirror (A Monkey has to Twinkle!), I glanced into the garden that is owned by the flat below mine... I was confronted by the cute guy who lives below me - in just his pants... and not just that... he obviously had just been, how do I say... pleasuring himself! His underwear was tenting itself towards north... oh yes erection city!

As mixture of surprise, intrigue and, to be honest, pure voyeuristic urges, surged through my body I found myself transfixed by this guys crotch... With my jaw slack and glare transfixed on cute guys Adonis body and tented pants, I became aware that he was also looking at someone...ME! Oh shit...! Oh shit...! As my face reddened and embarrassment rushed through my body I dived for cover and hid - for a good 5 minutes... I thought the cute guy downstairs was str8... either not or he likes to be watched.... either way I am keeping my curtains drawn from now on!

After my voyeuristic encounter, I ambled down to FruitStock with my housemate and was hugely disappointed by strange vibe; it felt that everyone was waiting for something better to happen...nothing did though!

Whilst I was lounging next to the champagne enclosure I met up with 2 of my cousins (once removed...or something like that) who I haven't seen for an age and a half... One was in a bad way as her long term boyfriend turn out to be a bastard; he had lied about his whole identify for the past year and left my cousin £4k in debt - RAHH... She was comforting herself with large goblets of strong bow (classy girl!)...

I also met up with one of my distant best friends who is doing very well as an actress... Whilst it was great seeing her, it was very apparent she was not in a good state. Revealing to me last month that she was a recovering anorexic did not prepare me to how apparent this was. While I tried to stay strong throughout the evening I really don't think that she knows how worried sick I am about her. The emotional barriers have gone up (hey I know about them) and she is not letting me in anymore... I feel SO helpless... I will talk about this some more later this week...

After going to a dodgy West End club, drinking too much tequila and having a dance off with a random stranger while the whole dance floor watched (with pity!) I ended up passing out in my bed at 4am...

Sunday saw me lounging on a long sofa watching the Motorcycle Diaries, Hero and some foreign film that made me go to sleep!!!

I had a great weekend... ish...

Monkey Twinkles...

2006-08-03T17:47:00.000+01:00

CLICK HERE TO LAUGH YOUR INSIDES OUT....

TAG you!

2006-08-03T11:17:00.000+01:00

Ziggy has twacked his tagging stick right in my face so, whilst bleeding profusely, I thought I should reply...

Rapper Name?
Mon Key Man (Crap I know!)

Alternative Rock Band Name?
The Monks (Even worse)

Name your pain?
My monkey arse

1 True Word That Symbolizes God?
Idolatrous

1 True Love or 1 Million Dollars?
Can I not fall in love with a million dollars?

Live Free or Die Stupid?
Live Free

Purist, happiest moment ever? (8 words or less)
Knowing I was loved for the first time

Most Influential Life Lesson?
Live for today

Most Successful Person You Least Admire?
David Hasselhoff

Where we go when we die? (1 word)
Doncaster

Worst TV Show of the Past Decade?
Love Island

Best TV Show of the Past Decade?
LOST

Still with me, yes or no?
YES and NO

Burning Building - baby or dog?
I would ride the dog and eat the baby... (Silly question)

Who runs the world? (2 words or less)
Lorraine Kelly (SHE DOES YOU KNOW!)

Worst Idea You Ever Had -
Moving in with a 'friend' just because I thought it was cheap rent....

Shittiest Job You Ever Had?
Washing Pots...

Best Job You've Ever Had?
(I am with Ziggy on this one) The one I will be getting next!

In the true spirit of tagging I thrust this virtual game into the hands of...
A Bloody Mess
The project76 blog
The Dangerous Man

Have Fun!

TM
(mopping his wounds)

Virtual Procrastination

2006-08-03T11:14:00.000+01:00

I have been really bored at work lately…I mean REALLY bored… so I have been procrastinating on the web and I have come across a veritable smorgasbord of websites…. So I thought I would share!

Jackson Pollock by Miltos Manetas: Become Jackson yourself with this rather simple yet effective wastes of time!!!

INDUSTORIOUS CLOCK MONO*CRAFTS3.0: Yes…it really has no use but to tell the time in a unique way…

Badmash: A new take on an old cartoon opening sequence…

Welcome to MailOrderHusbands.net: The future of online dating for singles.: VERY Funny…I am thinking of buying one!!!

ZYB/ - Manage. Share. Secure.: Store all of your phone contact for free on the web…

So ladies, gentlemen and all things with a pulse, GO PROCRASTINATE with all your might!

Have fun…

TM
(Developing RSI)

Tribute to my Brother

2006-08-02T12:09:00.000+01:00

It was 3 years to the day that my younger brother died from a rare genetic heart condition and was taken from this world far far too early. As a tribute to him I have posted the lyrics to In the Navy by YMCA. While this may seem very bizarre thing to do anyone who knew him will smile at this. My brother was just about to join the Navy and while he was a virile heterosexual man, he loved his camp tunes!! This always brings a smile to my face when I hear it…

This is for you bro…

IN THE NAVY
Where can you find pleasure, search the world for treasure,learn science, technology?
Where can you begin to make your dreams all come trueon the land or on the sea?
Where can you learn to fly, play in sports or skindive,study oceanography?
Sign up for the big band or sit in the grand standwhen your team and others meet.
In the Navy, yes, you can sail the seven seas.
In the Navy, yes, you can put your mind at ease.
In the Navy, come on now people, make a stand.
In the Navy, can't you see we need a hand.
In the Navy, come on, protect the motherland.
In the Navy, come on and join your fellow, man.
In the Navy, come on, people, and make a stand.
In the Navy, in the Navy.
They want you! They want you!
They want you as a new recruit!
If you like adventure don't you wait to enterthe recruiting office fast.
Don't you hesitate, there is no need to wait;they're signing up new seamen fast.
Maybe you are too young to join up today
but don't you worry 'bout the thing
for I'm sure there will be always the good Navy protecting the land and sea.
In the Navy...They want you! They want you!
They want you as a new recruit!
They want you! They want you!
They want you as a new recruit!..
But..but..but I'm afraid of water!..
Hey..hey..look, men...I get seasick even watching it on the TV!
They want You! - Oh my goodness!
They want you! - What am I gonna do in a submarine?
They want you! They want you!
In the Navy.In the Navy... (fade out)

TM
X

Opening Pandora's Box

2006-08-01T16:29:00.000+01:00

WOW!!!

I have just stumbled across a magical monkey music marvel (look at the monkey using alliteration) If you like your music then go to

PANDORA INTERNET RADIO

All you do is put in the name of an artist or song that you love and the Music Gnome Project goes off and searches its music banks to give you a bespoke radio station with tracks that you will love based on your selection... I love it...

TM
(Tapping his hairy foot to the beat)

Monkey's Gallery...

2006-07-26T13:14:00.000+01:00

Here are some photos the monkey took while in 'bonnie' Scotland...

(This post should be veiwed while listening to Tony hart's Gallery Music...)

The pond I caught a fish
(see previous post)

Arty Campsite Shot

Waterfall @ Glen Nevis

Close up of pond flowers...!
(Personal Favourite)

Cone Head!
(Outside Galsgow's Gallery of Mdern Art)

The Scottish Experience

2006-07-25T13:47:00.000+01:00

I have just come back from a chilled week in Scotland...it was WONDERFUL!
Here is a snapshot of what I got up to...

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin...

CAMPING IT UP...
Under the glare of Ben Nevis we stumbled across a beautiful campsite that even had hot running showers! We took our time making sure we pitched our tent in the most appropriate place; away from the kids injecting E numbers up their noses, but close enough to the amenities that we could run for a piss in the dead of night! It took us no time at all to get the tent pitched, stand back in appreciation and bugger off to Fort William for a well-deserved pint! On our return, to our jaw dropping surprise, what looked like a scene from The Royal Family, had moved in next to us. They were a family from south London who had never been camping before, had not been in time to get the £3.99 holiday vouchers offer in last weeks Sun and had decided that it was the most economical way of spending some 'quality time' with each other! Although I want to be nasty (it's not really in my nature to be that vile - hmm maybe a little!), the family turned out to be very harmless and (TM says through gritted teeth) quite nice!!! More on them later...

MIDGE URE (Midges errr...)
Ok, I am not going to be talking about Midge Ure from the Ultravox fame...although it would have been 'cool' (TM uses this word loosely) to meet him...
NO what I will be talking about are those small, irritating, biting fuckers (TM doesn't use this word lightly) - midges. They have left their mark all over my body; I now look like a pink dot-to-dot puzzle... MIDGES; THEY ARE THE SPAWN OF IBLIS...

DO YOU SMELL FISH? (TM hopes not!)
I turned into a savage this holiday! I went fly fishing for the first time in my life - and I must say I really enjoyed it! After a half hour tuition with Ian, a guy who I thought was actually wearing billy bob teeth for a joke but it turned out that they were his actual teeth (TM suggests Colgate and flossing), I was ready to catch my first trout! So I patiently waited.........and waited................and waited...............and got agitated............and waited.................and threw a strop...............and waited.....................and then it happened. The adrenaline that I felt when I felt the line pull and then saw the water thrashing was immense! Once I eventually pulled the 2lb rainbow trout out of the loch it was the part I had forgotten about - Killing it! Yes, I have been so acclimatised to buying meat from Sainsburys (or any other good supermarket) that I almost expected to catch the fish ready gutted and wrapped in plastic! So I took a deep breath and readied my 'Priest' (A thick, blunt and hard member of the clergy who kill fish humanly!). I was told that one hard blow to the fish's head would survice! hmmmm....well, maybe I have limp wrists or something, because it took me about 10 gut-wrenching attempts to kill the poor bloody thing...I did feel a bit sick - although I am sure I felt better than the fish!!! Once we got them back to the campsite our 'lovely' next door neighbours gutted, filleted and cooked said dead fish (see I told you they were nice)! They were delicious!

OTHER HIGHLIGHTS...

Clycling 30 miles around the Queen Elizabeth Forest
Clubbing (no reference to the fish!) at Polo Lounge in Glasgow
Attending a wedding near Abberfoyle where it was said that Maddona was going to hold here wedding....whatever!
Tasting the best scallops I have eaten....ever
Sipping the best quality whisky I have drunk ...ever
Staying on 2 working farms and helping heard sheep....
Veiwing the Material World exhibition at the Glasgow Gallery of Modern Art...
Breathing clean air...

Well that's about it....I am now back in sweaty London, back at work and back to the grindstone....la la...

TM
;o)

I am back...

2006-07-17T17:00:00.000+01:00

I know, I know...don't start...

I have been SO busy lately that I have not had chance to write anthing for my blog for ages! (look at me writing this assuming I have an audience! I have never been able to work out if I should be writing this for me or for an audience...hmm)

I am off to Scotland on Wednesday for a week so I may not be able to write anything for another while. HOWEVER, I will fill you all in (!) with my adventures when I get back...

I am also starting a spankly NEW blog project...more on that when I get back...

TM
:o)

Eho di ritorno..

2006-06-23T16:45:00.000+01:00

Ciao! La Scimmia di luccichio è ritornata dalla terra di belle persone, il cibo di edifici e gerogeous favoloso. ..ROMA

I am all happy, bronzed and full of pasta! Its all good! I have just come back from a 4 day trip to Rome and have come back more relaxed than I ever thought! I stayed in a swanky 5* hotel that was out of this world. I spent most of my time on the roof top pool talking to aged Austrian queens, brazillian pool boys and snotty waiters...I have come back with a tan that I am proud of (it was 38 degrees out there) and feeling full of vitality!

I was also out there to see my dad. It was his 60th birthday this year and as part of a surprise me and 8 of his friends surprisded him in Rome as he stepped off the Orient Exprerss... he face was a picture and thankfully his heart held up!

I am off to a midsummer nights party on Saturday which has a Wham theme...lol Loving it already!

Diverte comunque ciò che ogni lei fa ed arrivederci per adesso..

PS I got the translatiuons from a dodgy website...I think they make no sense whatsoever!

The Girl on the Wall

2006-06-14T16:08:00.000+01:00

'Girl on the Wall' June 2006

I photographed this today and thought I would share it with y'all...

TM ;~)

Tagging...

2006-06-14T12:51:00.000+01:00

I have just been tagged by Ziggy...Yes indeedy! While it was a pleasurable experience I do feel slightly violated...

So here you go...

I know – more than I let on…
I believe – that there is a bigger force than gravity
I fought – to keep sane
I am angered – by noisy eaters
I love – my family and friends and food and drink…
I need – to relax
I take – vitamin tablets most mornings (even though I don’t think they do anything!)
I hear – too much negativity in the world
I drink – too much
I hate – ignorance
I use – my contacts to get me into events for free
I want – to be an actor, I just haven’t got it together yet
I decided – that I should live for today
I like – saying Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy
I am – the happiest I have been in years
I feel – that this year is going far too quickly
I left – my first boyfriend in a very cruel way
I do – make people laugh
I hope – that I people laugh with me rather than at me…
I dream – of being successful
I drive – people to distraction
I listen – to people talking crap
I type – faster than I used to
I think – too much, too often
I wish – I had bigger muscles
I compensate – for my insecurities
I regret – I never say my brother in the Navy
I care – too much sometimes…
I should – drink & smoke less
I am not always – right!
I said – “you shouldn’t stick your finger in there…”
I wonder – why…
I changed – my way of thinking about the world since I have worked in London
I cry – when I think about the loss of my brother
I am – 10 stone
I am not – wanting to fail
I lose – my cool more than I ever used to…
I leave – all sense of reason…

So there you go...TM in a snapshot... I think I need to tagg someone now do I not? So here goes...

Imitation of Life

Project 76

Crazy Sam

A Bloody Mess

Have Fun

TM
:)

HOW HOT?

2006-06-12T17:07:00.000+01:00

HOW WARM IS IT TODAY?

I am as sweaty as a fat man wrapped in clingfilm, running on a treadmill, watching porn!

The adventures of Twinkle Monkey

2006-06-07T17:33:00.000+01:00

I have been researching different styles of script writing today and I came across this little gem - a random storywriter. You provide it with some tit bits and it spews out a complete story. I have published what it generated and while some of it really makes no sense (although I quite like that) it is quite funny...

So if you are sitting comfortably, I will begin

TWINKLE MONKEY's LOST LEMON....

It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Twinkle Monkey, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling excessively worried, Twinkle Monkey punched a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Absolutely thrilled, he realized that his beloved lemon was missing! Immediately he called his annoying neighbor, Chipmonk Boy. Twinkle Monkey had known Chipmonk Boy for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. Chipmonk Boy was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... insensitive. Twinkle Monkey called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Chipmonk Boy skipped up to a very glad Twinkle Monkey. Chipmonk Boy calmly assured him that most legless puppies cringe before mating, yet legless puppies usually flamboyantly panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Twinkle Monkey. Why was Chipmonk Boy trying to distract Twinkle Monkey? Because he had snuck out from Twinkle Monkey's with the lemon only nine days prior. It was a eccentric little lemon... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Twinkle Monkey got back to the subject at hand: his lemon. Chipmonk Boy shuddered. Relunctantly, Chipmonk Boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the lemon. Twinkle Monkey grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Chipmonk Boy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the lemon and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Twinkle Monkey took the gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, he had take at least nine minutes before Twinkle Monkey would get there. But if he took the steam roller? Then Chipmonk Boy would be really screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Chipmonk Boy was interrupted by six clueless My Little Ponys that were lured by his lemon. Chipmonk Boy sneezed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he aptly reached for his live hand grenade and skillfully grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the steam roller rolling up. It was Twinkle Monkey.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Twinkle Monkey was out of the steam roller and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Chipmonk Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Chipmonk Boy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the lemon into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Chipmonk Boy was relieved but at least the lemon was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Chipmonk Boy flamboyantly purred. With a inept push, Twinkle Monkey opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid rationality-deprived retard in a 'modded' Civic,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Chipmonk Boy assured him. Twinkle Monkey took a seat vaguely close to where Chipmonk Boy had hidden the lemon. Chipmonk Boy belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Twinkle Monkey was distracted. As if it really mattered Chipmonk Boy noticed a pestering look on Twinkle Monkey's face. Twinkle Monkey slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Chipmonk Boy felt a stabbing pain in his shin when Twinkle Monkey asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the lemon right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Twinkle Monkey's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Twinkle Monkey nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Chipmonk Boy could react, Twinkle Monkey aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The lemon was plainly in view.

Twinkle Monkey stared at Chipmonk Boy for what what must've been two hours. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Chipmonk Boy groped flamboyantly in Twinkle Monkey's direction, clearly desperate. Twinkle Monkey grabbed the lemon and bolted for the door. It was locked. Chipmonk Boy let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Twinkle Monkey,' he rebuked. Chipmonk Boy always had been a little funny-smelling, so Twinkle Monkey knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Chipmonk Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Just as zero people expected he gripped his lemon tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Chipmonk Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Twinkle Monkey. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Twinkle Monkey. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Chipmonk Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Twinkle Monkey was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Twinkle Monkey was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Chipmonk Boy's place. Twinkle Monkey had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral My Little Ponys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the lemon. One by one they latched on to Twinkle Monkey. Already weakened from his injury, Twinkle Monkey yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of My Little Ponys running off with his lemon.

About four hours later, Twinkle Monkey awoke, his double chin throbbing. It was dark and Twinkle Monkey did not know where he was. Deep in the enchanting disease-infested jungle, Twinkle Monkey was alarmingly lost. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he remembered that his lemon was taken by the My Little Ponys. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a big My Little Pony emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha My Little Pony. Twinkle Monkey opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the My Little Pony sunk its teeth into Twinkle Monkey's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Twinkle Monkey's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than two miles away, Chipmonk Boy was entombed by anguish over the loss of the lemon. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened gerbil. With a calculated thrust, he buried it deeply into his double chin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Twinkle Monkey... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the lemon that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant My Little Ponys, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after all...

THE END

Generate your own story at Randumbness

666? then call 999

2006-06-06T10:50:00.000+01:00

"And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six."

Revelation 13:16-18

Ah come on, join in the religious scar mongering…

TM
(Letting out a demonic chuckle)

Random Monkey Thoughts...

2006-06-06T09:51:00.000+01:00

So my life at the moment feels as though I am on a roller coaster with no breaks slipping endlessly round a greased turbulent track of monotony...Ok I am being slightly dramatic but since I have been neglecting my blog recently I thought I would just jot down some random thoughts... here goes;

I won a trip to a chrarity event at Christies last Wednesday in aid of the Bobby Moore Foundation. As its my Dad's 60th this year (and a mad sports fan) I took him along with me. With the tickets worth over £180 EACH there were a few sporting celebraties and a large amount of overly rich people there. As part of my prize my Dad was given one of the prints that were on display - a black & white portrait of a 1930's polo match. As the Champagne flowed, the silent auction went under way and my dad ended up paying a handsome sum for a picture of the famous 'Hand of God' picture. The night deteriorated soon after this.

I am off to Rome in 2 weeks and am SO looking forward to it. I have been a bit over zelous and booked a 5 star hotel in the centre of Rome. It is decked out with a swimming pool on the roof, state of the art rooms, spa (not Spar!) treatments, and 5 bars (I will be happy!). I am so in need of this holiday. This is also a surprise for my Dad; he is going to be going on a round trip to Italy and stopping off @ Rome the same time I and a gaggle of his friends are there - I hope his heart holds up!

If that was not enough I am off to Scotland at the end of July for a camping (no pun intended) extravaganza! I have not explored this part of the world before so am getting overly excited about this also - All Fun - I just hope the midges don't eat me alive!

Other random Titbits:

I have been invited to the Gordon Ramsey 'F' Word restaurant for a meal! They had to take a picture of me so they could see if I would 'fit in' with their image (fascists!). Hey, but if I get a free meal, mingle with beautiful people and get my monkey mug on TV then I am a happy man (not that I am shallow!)
I went to see Market Boy at the National last week and while the acting was appalling, the story weak and the energy low, it had an amazing set and an 80's soundtrack to cream over! If you’re into your 80's then go see it - if you want a tight script with some electrifying performances AVOID!
I am still in the same job but am actively looking for another. I have an interview for a job with a film education company to project manage a BAFTA nominated film project (sounds better than it probably will be!)
I have started smoking again! Hmmm... Not good...
I need to see some of my old friends soon - I have been out of contact with them for far too long!

As Eddie Izzard once said;

"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less."

That's it for now! Have fun
TM
:~)

What type of Dog are you?

2006-05-26T17:54:00.000+01:00

I took one of those Stupid on-line tests...but I laughed a lot at this one. Ziggy you will be proud...

Twinkle Monkey, you're a Pug!

No bones about it, you're an intelligent, playful Pug. Witty and charming, you're a lot of dog wrapped in a small package. People just love you — a wonderful approachability and sense of humor put you at the top of everyone's list.

Take the test HERE

:o)

Recomendations...

2006-05-26T13:00:00.000+01:00

Having been inspired by last nights BOOKSLAM (see previous post) I though I would recomend the lastest book I am reading and the latest CD I am obsessivly listenting to...

HAUNTED by Chuck Palahniuk
Haunted consists of 23 stories tied together to create a novel. Each story is told by a different writer, who all answered an ad for a three-month writers' retreat, where they are to be removed from all of life's distractions in order to write their masterpieces. They find themselves held captive in a cavernous old theatre with heat, power, and food in short supply. They begin to commit evil and atrocious acts upon each other, aware that eventual rescue will bring Hollywood fame and money if their ordeal is horrific enough. Chuck Palahniuk's novel is full of extreme violence and gut-churning events and has received mixed reviews. I am loving it...although it has made me want to puke a number of times....Viseral....Love it!

Extract:
A poem about the Duke of Vandals

“Nobody calls Michelangelo the Vatican’s bitch,” says the
Duke of Vandals,
just because he begged Pope Julius for work.

The Duke onstage, his scruffy jaw, scrub brush with pale
stubble,
it goes round and round, kneading and grinding
a wad of nicotine gum.
His gray sweatshirt and canvas pants are flecked with dried
raisins of dark, dark-red,
yellow, blue and green, brown, black and white paint.
His hair tumbles behind him, a tangle of brass wire,
tarnished dark with oil
and dusted with sticky flakes of dandruff.

Onstage, instead of a spotlight, a movie fragment:
a slide show of portraits and allegories, still lifes and
landscapes.
All of this ancient art, it uses his face, his chest, his
stocking feet in sandals
as a gallery wall.

The Duke of Vandals, he says, “No one calls Mozart a
corporate whore”
because he worked for the Archbishop of Salzburg.
After that, then wrote The Magic Flute,
wrote Eine Kleine Nachtmusik,
paid by trickle-down cash from Giuseppe Bridi and his
big-money silk industry.
Nor do we call Leonardo da Vinci a sellout,
a tool,
because he slopped paint for gold from Pope Leo X and
Lorenzo de’ Medici.

“No,” says the Duke, “We look at The Last Supper and the
Mona Lisa
and never know who paid the bills to create them.”
What matters, he says, is what the artist leaves behind, the
artwork.
Not how you paid the rent.

© Chuck Palahniuk 2005.

HOTCHIP - The Warning
WOW! This album is an eclectic and sublime mix of pop and elctronica...TM says 'Go buy it!'

As ‘The Warning’ says, ‘LET ME SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU’. This time round, you may be able to tell that Hot Chip’s tongues are deeper inside your cheeks than they are embedded in their own.

"The Warning is an amalgamation of great songwriting and forward-thinking pop-production. It’s an honest record – emotionally and sonically, made by people exploring sound in the warmth of home, not studio, and it is a brittle pairing of voices which sing of LOVE, COLOURS, LOSS, and WARNINGS. It is the only record you will hear this year, which is brave enough to try and better all of the best records of yesteryear and tomorrow. If you want something which evokes the textures of Aphex Twin recordings, Madlib’s sense of deranged hip-hop holiday, the intimacy of Prince’s fantastically claustrophobic parades, and more than merely the spirit of certain wonderful Paul McCartney experiments in disco, Hot Chip would recommend The Warning. It’s cheaper than buying the Richard D James Album, Madvillainy, Dirty Mind and McCartney II after all"

TM
:o)

SLAM!

2006-05-26T12:30:00.000+01:00

I had one of the most inspirational, beautifully understated and culturally opulent evenings I have had for a long time. I attended BOOKSLAM a once monthly literary and music evening based in an exuberant and Smokey basement club. Book Slam is the brainchild of Ben Watt (of the Buzzin' Fly fame) and Patrick Neate. As one half of Everything But The Girl, Ben is a sometime pop superstar, full time DJ-producer and occasional mogul. Patrick is a prize-winning author, poet and all-round renaissance bloke.

Their intention was simple: create a regular literary event in London that doesn't make sane people want to stab themselves with rusty cutlery. Hence the Book Slam recipe of novelists, poets, singer-songwriters and the like doing their thing in bite-sized canapés of taste punctuated by mujik and dlinking. Book Slam is most probably London's best literary nightclub. Book Slam is probably London's only literary nightclub. Book Slam has attracted writers of the caliber of Nick Hornby, Monica Ali, Hari Kunzru and Jake Arnott.

There were the following people taking part last night:
- WILL ASHON, founder of mighty Big Dada and sometime It Dad reading from his dazzling novel, 'Clear Water' (Faber)

- All the way from Yellowknife, Canada,SHANE KOYCZAN, former US Slam champ and holder of a doctorate from the notorious School Of Dark (This guy was WICKED)

- JOSEPHINE ONIYAMA, Mancunian songstress and stand out contributor to the Freeness project ('A precious new songwriting talent' - Time Out)

- DJ PETERCANWEGOSWIMMING, reliving his days on South Fork

Ben said, 'If you build it, they will come.' Patrick said, 'Stop with the gnomic.' But he did it anyway.

Book Slam takes place @ Cherry Jam on the last Thursday of every month.

TM
Smiling LOTS

Shrine to Paddy

2006-05-24T10:51:00.000+01:00

PADDY
(1988-2006)

On Monday afternoon I had to put my family dog to sleep after he became very ill... We have had him for over 18 years (so in dog years it was a great innings!). I was not expeting it to be so traumatic to be honest, you don't think that a pet would have such an emotional hold over you. While I am very sad that Paddy (or as my brother used to call him 'Barry') is gone I know that it was the best thing to do - he was in a lot of pain.

Paddy is now with his mate Ian, chasing cats and running away from other dogs...miss ya!

TM

(ps the picture above is of the film dog Benji and not Paddy - but he looked very similar!)

HELLO...

2006-05-15T10:14:00.000+01:00

I HAVE NOT HAD TIME TO POST ANYTHING...

MORE SOON...

PROMISE...

TM ;)

Favorite Children TV Show POST #5

2006-04-19T16:03:00.000+01:00

I thought I would dedicate this post to the guy who inspired me to reminisce...

DANGER MOUSE

Secret agent Danger Mouse and his sidekick Penfold save the world from Baron Greenback

Secret agent Danger Mouse and his sidekick Penfold, live in a red postbox in Baker Street. There boss is Colonel K, a old British officer, who looks like he served in India. save the world from Baron Greenback

Wicked....

TM
;)

Favorite Children TV Show POST #4

2006-04-19T15:59:00.000+01:00

HE MAN

He Man is the alter-ego of Adam - prince of Eternia, Defender of Castle Greyskull, and owner of a cowardly cat-type-thing called Cringer. Fabulous secret powers were revealed to Adam the day he held aloft his magic sword and said "By the Power of Greyskull - I have the Power!" Cringer became the mighty Battledcat, and Adam became He Man - the most powerful man in the Universe. Only three of He Man's friends share his secret - The Sorcerous, Man at Arms, and a floating hat called Orco. Together they defend Castle Greyskill from the evil forces of Skeletor.

NO WONDER I AM GAY!!!

Favorite Children TV Show POST #3

2006-04-19T15:57:00.000+01:00

This fantastic acid trip of a show, narrated by the marvellous Brian Trueman, started each episode with a small boy (Jamie) being tucked up in bed by what appears to be his mother's shadow. "Sleep well, Jamie," she says...

However, Jamie does not plan to sleep well. Like most small boys he plans to get out with his magic torch and fiddle with it as soon as his mother's back is turned. Jamie's magic torch, however, is no ordinary torch, on no! This one is pretty nifty at boring holes in the carpet through which Jamie and his dog, Wordsworth ("Ooo-er!! I got the collywobbles!" - imagine, if you will, a broad West Country accent), can access the helter-skelter to cuckoo land, home to a variety of completely barking characters including scientist/weather-watcher Mr Boo ("A flying rabbit? That's not on my list! I'm going mad!") who surveyed the environs by means of a farting "submachine". Other characters to note are JoJo Help, the handyman with his oversized stripy hat, the somewhat disturbing Officer Gotcha with his unicycle and big green truncheon, and the marvellous Bully Bundy, the Show Business Rabbit ("Alright, Bully von Richthofen! Dive! Dive! Dive!") who eventually disappears into his own hat. Despite all the goings on, Jamie remains as calm as a cucumber, jumps on what appears to be a giant slice of Home Pride, bounces back up the helter-skelter and back into bed. Mother is quite unaware of Jamie and his amphetamine problem and just tells him to "Settle Down" before kicking Wordsworth out. Hurrah!

Favorite Children TV Show POST #2

2006-04-19T14:07:00.000+01:00

BAGPUSS

Bagpuss is a cat who spends his time slumbering in a shop owned by Emily. The shop itself doesn't sell anything, and Emily seems a little young to be a shopkeeper - it is a most unusual shop, after all.Each week Emily brings Bagpuss objects to mend and repair. Bagpuss will wake up and examine them, in the company of his friends - including Madeleine the rag doll, and the mice from the Marvellous Mechanical Mouse Organ.All this happens under the watchful eye of Professor Yaffle, the carved woodpecker book end, who comments scathingly on the toys and the stories they tell. Then at some point, Bagpuss becomes very very tired, and they all go back to sleep. That's basically it, so why did this all happen? Simple - because Emily loved him.

Favorite Children TV Show POST #1

2006-04-19T13:39:00.000+01:00

After a post on Danger Mouse's blog I was inspired to write about a few of my favorite children's TV shows...There are so many that this may be a regular post... ENJOY!

RENT-A-GHOST

Rentaghost was a children’s telly stalwart for many years, running for nearly sixty episodes from 1975 to 1984.Written by Bob Block (who went on to do Galloping Galaxies), it featured a group of ghosts trying to set up their own business enterprise. Their plans always went very, very wrong, with hair-raising slapstick consequences. Like people turning into Batman. Or falling asleep. The joke book humour flew thick and fast, often followed by lines like "Thank you for resurrecting that joke for its fiftieth birthday!" delivered straight to camera.

Disposable Childhoods

2006-04-18T18:15:00.000+01:00

I recently entered a Young Directors competition and while I am still waiting to hear if I have been excepted I thought I would share an extract of my proposal. The proposal is aimed at creating a 30-minute show that would engage young people in London. Any comments would be appreciated.

Disposable Childhoods
Money, celebrities, materialism and a need for instant gratification are all factors driving more young people to become increasingly flippant with their lives. Aspirations are becoming vacuous, dreams becoming short lived and attitudes disposable. Young people are taking bigger risks in order to reach greater highs. Teenage pregnancy rate are soaring, underage drinking is on the increase and exclusion is at an all time high. Gangs are becoming the modern family: with clan colours and hierarchies. MTV makes alternative lifestyles appealing; glamorising pseudo ‘bling, bling’ existence, free from responsibilities and consequences. The media vilifies the hooded youth; oust them on their front pages and brands them as outcasts. But is it their fault? Is today’s society too compassionate? Do we have a child revolution on our hands?

I believe that the desire to obtain these material lifestyles is fast becoming the motivations driving young people to become so frivolous with their futures. Are young people destroying their childhoods in a search for instant fulfilment? Or are they living for today, as tomorrow may never come?

3 Peak Challenge...

2006-04-11T13:34:00.000+01:00

Ben Nevis

I have decided to register myself on a bit of a challenge involving 3 major peaks in the UK, 36 hours and not much sleep...Mad - Indeed I am!

This fantastic challenge involves climbing the three highest peaks on the UK mainland, Snowdon (Wales), Scafell Pike (England) and Ben Nevis (Scotland) within 36 hours, travelling on a special train between the mountains. I am doing this for a Charity called the Railway Children who help runaway and abandoned children who live in and around the world's railway stations.

So just a heads up for y'all - I WILL BE HOUNDING YOU ALL FOR SPONSORSHIP!!! he he!!!

TM
;)

Health Warning...

2006-04-10T18:12:00.000+01:00

HEALTH WARNING

I AM TRYING TO GIVE UP SMOKING AGAIN!
PLEASE bear with my petulance over the coming weeks...

"...all the world is a stage..."

2006-04-10T17:26:00.000+01:00

I have posted some photos of my show latest
Making Your Mark

CLICK HERE

My Life in One Liners...

2006-04-05T15:41:00.000+01:00

The Sun is out

TM Smiles

I am skint, although I have just had a pay rise!

TM Frowns

The show I directed last week was a hit…

TM Smiles

I need a holiday very soon

TM looks wishfully

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

TM says phonetic out loud

I have applied for a new job, which I REALLY want

TM crosses fingers

My life seems to be very chaotic at the moment

TM crosses eyes

I am constantly hungry at the moment - I worry I have worms

TM thinks of M&S food…mmmm

Blue

TM looks confused

The picture was taken when I was walking to drop off some DVD’d to Blockbusters

TM Smiles

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

TM groans

I am listening to Classic FM (Hmmm… not my choice)

TM nods his head in time with the string section

I need a massage

TM Smiles

Lemon

TM looks confused

Pit

TM looks even more confused

Fapple

TM looks scared

Noun

TM runs away…

END

North Vs South

2006-04-05T13:57:00.001+01:00

Ok for all you Londoners out there... Which do you prefer;

a) North London
b) South London
c) I DON'T Care
d) Couldn't give a fuck
e) Blah Blah Blah

Guess who has been arguing about the North/South divide???

TM
;)

SPITTING

2006-03-26T16:21:00.000+01:00

START RANT

I CANNOT - CANNOT - CANNOT Stand people spitting in public...

END RANT

TM frowns...

Making your Mark...

2006-03-26T16:07:00.001+01:00

I am back!
I have not posted for over a week now but there is a good reason - I have been preparing for my new show. I am going into production next week with a show that the young people of Hackney have been developing for the past 6 months. Its all very exciting... So I thought I would share a bit about it!

MAKING YOUR MARK

Initially generated by discussions surrounding the local landscape, including the old Dalston Theatre, Making Your Mark questions why it is easy to get consumed by the mundane and take your eye off your goals. Devised by Hackney’s young people, the outcome is portrayed through a series of disjointed events and will take you on a journey to discover how you make your mark on history.

*Directed by*
Twinkle Monkey
*Co-Directed by*
Andrea Gordon, Everton Dolphy, Charmain Humphrey, Chris Jackson
*Designed by*
Jacqueline Abrahams
*Written by*
Hackney young people

*When?* Friday 31st March & Saturday 1st April 2006 - 7.00pm Start
*Where?* Chats Palace Arts Centre, Homerton, Hackney

I will try and post next week but I will be in hibernation in a dark theatre... Oh it’s all-glamorous!!

TM
:o)

Gross...

2006-03-15T00:07:00.000Z

After watching The Human Canvas this evening I have deceided to be slightly selfish and slightly arrogant (hey what isa blog for?) and publish part of my dissertation I wrote at university about disgust and its relationship with an audience...

Let me know if anyone has anythignt o say about it...

Extract from The Art Of Disgust by the Monkey that Twinkles...

Whether you believe that it is created from the ‘potential to contaminate’ or that our parent’s teach us it, it is a fact that within contemporary society, we all experience disgust on one level or another. I am of the view that disgust is an innate reaction that is moulded into a learned response. We are born with an instinctive distaste response and through time and teaching, we develop a disgust response. Where we are born, where we live, who our parents are, and what social circle we pass through, all shape and fashion our level of disgust towards the disgusting.

What disgusts us, in many ways, are the things that we do not understand, that is not to say that what we do not understand disgusts us; the disgusting is ambiguous. From slime (which is neither liquid nor solid) to hairy women, our ideologies and discourses are being violated. As soon as our own classified boundaries are crossed then situations become disgusting. People typically have a perceived absurdity to conform to other people’s financial, academic, and /or sexual appetites, as soon as an individual(s) break this orthodoxy it creates disgust.

Disgust, in my opinion, is striving toward purity; it blocks out pollutants to gain integrity. What we find anomalous or what may have the potential to contaminate us (either physically, emotionally or biologically) will probably disgust.

Art, film, television, and theatre explore, analyse, and examine our basest instincts; our own narcissisms, pleasures, constraints, and the bigger issues of life and death. The more you look at a postmodern art, Sarah Lucus’s work for example, the more you find out about the “…messy business of life…”(Optomen Television, 2000, Episode 3). Western cultures habitually exist with the pretence that they live in a clean and regulated society, where faeces, urine, vomit, menstrual blood, and other bodily fluids, are discreetly hidden away from sight; our streets are cleaned of litter and spitting becomes a finable offence. Art and theatre turn this upon its head and exposes life for what it really is. Problems occur when people find it difficult to focus on, accept, and articulate how they feel about these “…raw aspects…”(Television, 2000, Episode 3) of life. Stuart Brisley’s vomit art or Sarah Kane’s ‘experiential theatre’ may be seen as eradicating idealisms, but, in essence, are pieces of work that are embracing social taboos and exposing them.

As much as people do not want to look at disgusting things, and as much as controversial art and theatre repulses, people will still go and view it. As soon as Damien Hirst hit the headlines with his gutted animals, he instantly became a talking point. Sarah Kane’s retrospective that previewed this year (2001) at the Royal Court Theatre, brought about an extensive and eclectic audience. The auditorium was full of curious public and fascinated students (myself included). Although Blasted was controversial the first time around, this time is became a spectacle to experience disgust first hand. Again giving rise to the ambivalent nature of disgust.

“So why should anyone pay to be shocked?” (MacDonald, 1995) or disgusted? According to James MacDonald, director of the original Blasted, theatre (and art) is a forum for debate and if theatre is to remain central to our culture, it “…needs to debate the central issues of our time”. Theatre does exactly this, debate life’s concepts. Kane herself said that

“There isn’t anything you can’t represent on stage. If you are saying that you can’t represent something, you are saying that you can’t talk about it, you are denying its existence.”

(Web Page Ref#1)

If we do not indulge in experiencing or analysing disgust we are, in essence, “…denying its existence” (Web Page Ref#1). Art and Theatre will always be controversial; if it stops being contentious then it will stop being a forum for debate, if this happen then it will not be central to our culture. If disgust is a factor in creating contentious theatre, then let it be. I believe it would be more interesting for one audience member to not understand and become disgusted at art and theatre, than it would for everyone to complacently agree with it.

At its basic level, disgust, in my opinion, is formed from the individual. As a reader, I am confident that you will have found some concepts within this paper disgusting (although this was not my intention), yet the next reader may be disgusted at other ideas that you may have found mediocre.

As beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is disgust.

Monkey thoughts...

2006-03-13T17:32:00.000Z

Some RaNdOm Monkey thoughts...

I have been bad today... I have been really trying to work, but have actually not done much at all... I have been procrastinating like nobody's business!

Has anyone tried playing leapfrog with a unicorn before?

I went to see The Winterling by Jez Butterworth @ the Royal Court on Saturday...LOVED IT // Go see it NOW... "one of the most dazzling Royal Court main stage debuts in years." Time Out
1,2 Buckle my shoe - 3,4 knock at the door

My mother was down this weekend and we stayed up till 5am Sunday morning, drinking wine nattering and smoking cigs... I love my mum...

I have decided that I am going to take a career break next year to do 3 months international voluntering... My mum is going over the Boliva for 3 months to do some medical volunteering in a pedatric burns unit...

Thats it...

TM Giggles...

A deep insight...

2006-03-13T13:53:00.000Z

Twinkle Monkey's
Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

I took this crappy personality test online and just thought it was funny... Thought I would share the 'deep' insight into my mind... lol

TM

When I grow up I want to be...

2006-03-09T18:29:00.000Z

MAKING YOUR MARK

What is so important about your territory? Why do we become so emotionally attached to 'things'? What does this say about our past? What are your dreams? Why do we have goals?

I am in the process of directing a show called 'Making your Mark'. It is looking at the dreams and goals people have in life and how they go about achieving them. I am really interested in the dreams people had when they were children; I always wanted to be a chef in a top restaurant...

I want to ask all you Bloggers out there a simple question...

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you 'grew up'?

I would be really interested to hear what peoples dreams were and whether they have achieved them yet or if they have changed...

It would really help me out guys to hear you thoughts...

Liberation...

2006-03-08T15:41:00.000Z

I took this photo in East London a couple of weeks ago.
I was slightly disturbed by the depiction but also found it oddly amusing...

What do ya think?

CLICK...

2006-02-28T18:31:00.000Z

Just to let you know that I have an online gallery of all of the photos I have taken...

Just Click HERE

(There are only 4 at the moment!!)

Me and You and Everyone We Know...

2006-02-28T14:19:00.001Z

I will keep this Brief...

I watched Me and You and Everyone We know over the weekend and to put it simply, it was bloody marvelous... GO RENT THE DVD and indulge yourself...

"Set in a modern, mundane American town, where everyday people young and old struggle to connect with each other in an increasingly dissociated digital culture, Me and You follows in the tradition of films like Magnolia, Crash and Short Cuts - films about lost and lonely souls whose stories unwittingly intersect and paint a larger picture."
Taken from Observer, Sunday August 7, 2005

Miranda July
(Writer, Director and plays Christine)Read her blog here...

Wattnot (C)2006

Learning About Number 1...

2006-02-27T14:35:00.000Z

This weekend I had a revelation... Well it was more of a realisation...

I have been lying to myself for a good long while...

About two and half years ago one of my younger brothers died from a tragic and sudden medical condition. As you could imagine this affected my family and me in ways that I would never wish to inflict onto anyone, even my worst enemy. Over the past couple of years I have been through a massive emotional upheaval and realignment. My outlook on life changed considerably and the relationships I hold (or not) have been effected by this perception and deep hurt. The one thing that affected me in a way that I had not really acknowledged or even seen was how I deal with my love life.

I work with a wide range of people from an even wider variety of backgrounds who present various issues when I meet them. I am able to deal with the young people who carry guns and knives, I am able to work with people who have mental health issues, I am able to work with people who are addicted to crack cocaine; I am able to deal with all of these people in a way that is safe and beneficial. What I can't do is hold down a relationship with someone who cares for me. Now I know that there are many factors that warrant people to split up and I am in no way saying that I contribute to 100% of those relationships deteriorating. I also acknowledge that my professional and personal life differs immensely!

Over the past 6 months, I have realised that my defence mechanisms have been up so much that I have pushed a lot of people I love away. I have never been so hurt as when my brother passed away and an emotional blockade must have been put up to protect me. The problem being is that I didn't realise that I had done this and how many people I had shut out. The challenge I now have is to start chipping away at this barrier to help me find some peace and enable me to engage in a relationship that allows someone to become close to me without me pushing them away and projecting my insecurities onto them...

Through a meeting this weekend I was able to really see how big this emotional wall is and how the hell I am going to climb over it...

Hardhat... CHECK
Ropes... CHECK
Crampons (!) CHECK

Right I am off to conquer my fear.... see you on the other side!!!

TM :o)

PS Sorry if this article seems slightly disjointed…I was writing is as my stream of consciousness was thinking it…if that makes sence…?

To IJW

BIG Brother is really watching us...

2006-02-21T13:07:00.000Z

After reading an article on Oink Grr's blog I investigates Google earth... A programme that maps out most of the worlds towns and citys in photorealistic images...you are able to put your address into the search tab and it will zoom into your house...you experience a very bizarre feeling when it shows the top of your house...Although they are not live picture it just gives you an idea of what is possible...

Who is watching?

My house is one of these...

Oh dear dear dear!

2006-02-20T10:49:00.000Z

WHAT A WEEKEND!!!
After meeting some new friends in London Bridge on Friday for some Tapas, a large amount of red wine and a couple of large tequilas, we decided to carry on the debauchery at a club in South London... I did not emerge from the club until 9am the next morning... Oh it wasn't pretty...really not pretty at all!

After getting home and getting about 4 hours sleep I then proceeded drag my sorry ass out of bed and meet some friends in Hoxton (north London). We ended up at a guys birthday party (who I didn't know) in a function room that looked like a 1980's front room (loved it). We then moved onto Cargo for a bit of a dance and then ended up at Charlie Whites a unique, yet suitably gross establishment where we danced the light fandango while sipping Singapore slings talking absolute rubbish to ugly strangers....

YES my weekend was FUN...
YES I would do it all over again...
YES both my kidneys and my liver have packed their backs and have left my body after the abuse that I have dished out to them...
NO I am not feeling great today what so ever!!!

TM Chuckles to himself....then takes more Anadin!!!

OK...GO...

2006-02-15T15:15:00.000Z

TM Giggled at this so much a little bit of wee came out..

Click Here

GAY GAY GAY...

2006-02-14T14:09:00.000Z

I am fed up with being gay...

No...

I am fed up with everyone else being gay...

No...

I am going through an identity crisis... Ahh I don't know...

After years of celebrating my sexuality and indulging in the ghettoisation of the 'scene', its frivolities, glitter and oiled torsos I am beginning to rebel. I turned 26 last year and I must have had either a hormonal imbalance or a shift in my outlook on how I identify with the gay scene. After having a 3 year relationship, a plethora of short term relationships, a multitude of dates and a variety of one night wonders I am now feeling as though I need/want something more fulfilling (don’t we all?)… I want to share my life with someone who does not want to constantly stare a glitter ball on a Friday evening in a drug induced stupor while wearing hot pants dancing to kylie (to be honest I have never gone out with a guy like that – but you get my point) … I want to have kids… I want to rewrite the gay handbook…

It’s all too trendy to be gay now… the gay community has been empowered so much now that we don’t know what to do with it… Don’t get me wrong I am not ashamed to be gay nor would want to change; I just feel that the gay community should start to become more complex than the hardened stereotypes that it present to the world…

I know I am vastly generalising, I know that there are exceptions to the rule, I am ranting but still don’t really know what about…

I think that this article is the start of an ongoing discovery for me…so if you don’t mind, bear with me…I may just start to understand what the hell I am talking about! In the meantime, tell me what you think…Go on I dare ya!

TM :o)

Mental...

2006-02-13T15:56:00.000Z

This weekend was an eye opener...

I was training young people in how to deliver practical workshops to other young people around de-stigmatising mental health issues. Now I have, some may say, a morbid fascination with mental health and its relationship with today's society. The young people who attended the 2-day workshop had all had some experience (either direct or indirect) of mental health issues.
Part of the workshop was looking at the realities of what people go through when experiencing certain psychosis moments. A couple of young people shared with the group about their experiences. I was gob smacked at the variety of treatments they had undergone (inc electric shock treatment), the underlying flaws within the mental health sector and the, what seemed, cruel treatment of vulnerable young people. Now while I realise that these experiences were all very subjective I must say that I was moved by the journeys these young people had taken to be where they were now.

I was genuinely moved this weekend in a way I have not experienced in a many number of years. My hat goes off to them....

TM

wattot (C)2006

FYI...

2006-02-10T16:23:00.000Z

Just though you would like to know that...

Melbourne has a new cabaret show, "Seriously: Pet Shop Boys Reinterpreted" featuring five vocalists and a string quartet, who sing PSB songs from alternating gay and straight points of view.

Gay Robot is a new US TV show from Adam Sandler's production company. A wine cooler accident causes a robot to turn gay and live in a frat house.

Taken from POPBITCH ISSUE 288

It all adds up...

2006-02-08T20:57:00.000Z

12 hours days (a) + lack of food (b) X stress of work (c) =

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Ah yes my day got better...]

:o(

BAD MOOD...

2006-02-08T12:22:00.000Z

I am in a SHIT MOOD today!!! RAHHH!!!!!

12 hours of work yesterday...
my replacement phone has not arrived...
I am skint...
and I need a holiday...

Ok so I maybe in a more of a moany mood today... RAHHH anywhay!!

More later...

A force to be reckoned with...

2006-02-06T16:21:00.000Z

So after my trauma this weekend (see previous post) I rang the police to get a crime ref number for my insurance. Now, my expectations of what was going to happen was that I would have some bored police officer on the other end of the phone taking my details and fobbing me off that he gave a shit...
However...I was put through to a very chirpy and helpful police officer who took all my details, empathised and then said that she would pass me onto the specialist robbery department... Now this mat not seem a revelations but the whole experience surpassed my expectations...

I did think though, she thought I had been a victim of a hate crime rather than a robbery (I had just come out of a gay bar before I got on the bus!!!)...Ah well!

Pat on the back for them…They will get a gold star if they get the bastard who mugged me!!!

wattnot (C)2006

Ode to my phone!!

2006-02-06T10:54:00.000Z

So there I was, half cut on a bus home from a South Lonon house party on Sunday morning. In my glazed stooper I was trying to text my friend who had jumped on random bus 10 minutes earlier, as I was worried about his saftey. Ironically, as I was sending this text, a hooded figure approached me from behind and mugged my phone ...Ah the fun...

After working in Hackney for over 3 years with some of the most excluded young people and NEVER being mugged I step over the boarder to south London, loose my phone, my sences and my way!!!

Its just not nice!!!

As an ode to my phone (and a ego boosting comment from a previous post) I have decided to post a few more random phone photos I actually didn't delete!

Brighton 2005

Hackney Youth Office (Burnt Down!)

Tate Modern 2005

Brighton Graffiti 2005

Over enthusiasm can kill...

2006-02-04T14:26:00.000Z

Ok, so that may have been a slight over statement!
Let me clarify!

I decided to jog to work this morning... I realise that that statement has two main flaws in it... One it is a Saturday; two me jogging... My work load at the moment is so high that I have decided to come into work to lighten the load... Now, after 6 months of me not smoking (TM pats himself on the virtual back) I have started having the odd one or two again (TM frowns a virtual frown)... So, being a descendant from a highly Irish catholic family, I felt I needed to punish myself by jogging the 3.5 miles to the office... The problem was that my need to punish myself was disguised by overwhelming enthusiasm... And ultimately, by the time that I had jogged to the office my enthusiasm had diminished and had been replaced by me coughing and spluttering my tar stained lungs over the pavement...

So it is very true about what they say...

EXERCISE KILLS!!!

Random Phone Photos..

2006-02-03T15:59:00.000Z

I am a random photo taker...

I see...I click it...I regret it...I delete it...

I want to share some with you before I delete..

"Laysick" Old Street

Dalston Theatre

Random Hackney Graffiti

Random Thoughts over HardFI Poster

Words and t'ings...

2006-02-03T14:54:00.000Z

Ramblings from the Hackney Yoof...

A: Wa Gwan?
B: Yo! Blood...that's some heavy bling bling you are wearin'.
A: You been cochin'?
B: Just been doin' Ting Ting...you?
A: Ah man I am nang. My man saw some buff pussy who was hangin' with some right crutters...

GLOSSARY:
Bling Bling Rings, Diamonds and all things shiny
Shabby "Thats great"
Heavy If you had a pair of trainers that were heavy then they would be 'nice' trainers!
Blood Friend
TING TING A Short way of saying 'bits and bobs'
SOMIT SOMIT As above
Nang Really excited
Buff Someone who is sexy
Crutter Someone who is unattractive
Butters Someone who is REALLY unattractive
Brevren Friend
Wa Gwan? Whats up?
Cotchin' Chilling out

wattnot (c) 2006

Monkey Boy has landed...

2006-02-03T12:15:00.000Z

"Banksy in Islington"

So the urban Monkey boy has got himself a blogg...

After a virtual, turned real friend (you know who you are) got himself a blogg, I thought I would give it a go...

I was never good at keeping a diary, so if your reading this in 2010 and there are no more posts then I gave up years ago...

"...'ey blood, you cotchin'?" (Generic Hackney young person..)

Bring on the revolution...

2006-02-02T11:49:00.000Z

MONKEY...! MONKEY...! MONKEY...! MONKEY...!MONKEY...! MONKEY...!MONKEY...!